MONDAY night
TIME: 11:50pm

There is a blank Microsoft Word screen behind this live journal screen and i need to fill that blank microsoft word document with five hundred words before ten fourty five tomorrow. Its not alot of work, and its not a hard assignment but its hard to motivate this dead body of mine.

SUB THOUGHT
TIME: 11:53

Im getting sick of trying. the idea of giving up completely is so tempting. Give me purpose and ill start trying.

TIME: 11:54

I'm watching alot of ultimate fighting on tv. i watch it every time its on spike tv. as a matter of fact its on tv right now. im disgusted in the fact that i enjoy violence and fighting so much...but thats what america has come down too, what person doesnt slow down for the car crash on the high way with hope of seeing blood and guts.

you all know as messed up as it would be, deep in the back of your brain your wishing that the chick who just got raild by the construction truck is lifless in the street with her un-proportional body soaking up her own blood. and as much as the sight of human intestine and brain disgust you, you still wouldnt dare to NOT look at the "unfortunate" situation.

death is fun, fighting is fun...or im just bored as hell.

TIME: 12:10

it has now been two hours since i attempted to start my essay. One thought comes into my brain...

why am i so unmotivative. why is it, that as much as i care about something i still will fuck it up, and if i recognize the problem and even if i know how to fix it, i will simply refuse to do anything about it. this applys to everything, school,family,friends. and im slowly realizing that my worst enemy is myslef.


SUB THOUGHT:
TIME: 12:16

my teenage angst is doing a number on my brain. im not satisfied with anything, and i stress over the simplest things. And im well aware that abusing drugs is not helping me out what so ever. but its the most feasible solution to my pathetic problems. but if i keep it up then the "solution" is gonna start being the problem....its the vicious cycle.

TIME: 12:22

im absolutely wired on ridillin right now, and i could ramble on forever. but ill cut myself short.


system OVERLOAD.

CONNECTION LOST.......

.......................................................................

REBOOT.


EMOTIONS: TIRED, FED UP, confused.


Conclusion: not everything is suppose to make sense, and you cant always get what you want, but giving up is never an option.